sincerely, sarahrie

“When obedience to God contradicts what I think will give me pleasure, let me ask myself if I love Him. If I can say yes to that question, can’t I say yes to pleasing Him? Can’t I say yes even if it means sacrifice? A little quiet reflection will remind me that yes to God always leads in the end to joy. We can absolutely bank on that.” - Elisabeth Elliot

It seems that every month passes by so quickly and now I’m in my six month in Japan. March, why did you have to come so soon?

Lately, people have been asking me how I feel about leaving Japan and returning to California. I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling. I guess more than how I feel, what I’m really experiencing is a time of reflection. 

Before coming, I felt like six months was a sacrifice. Praise the Lord that He changed my heart since then. What was once “my sacrifice” is now “God’s gift.” 

There are so many themes of my trip. So, I’ll start tackling them one by one.

The first theme is faith.

Going to campus was so difficult and the devil was so good at planting fear and doubt into my heart. There was always the fear of what people would think of me. After all, here is this foreigner, who is not even an exchange student, going around on campus talking to people and using English as a conversation starter. “What is she doing here?” Also, there was the fear of mentioning Christianity because of the fear of how it would be received. Then, of course, there was the guilt of even feeling these things. The Gospel message compels, strengthens, and emboldens. “What is wrong with you, Sarah?” I guess at one point, I really started to doubt and question how much faith I had.

And that’s when God stepped in. He really redeemed those thoughts and strengthened my faith, showing me that I need to believe in Him even despite my emotions and circumstances. I needed to start from the foundation. I remember that my pastor once said, “in faith, we take action.” I had no idea what that meant at the time but I realized it here in Japan. So, every time I had doubt and fear, I would ask myself some questions. “Do you believe in the power of the Gospel? Yes, I do. Do you believe in the power of God? Yes, I do. Then go. Talk to that person sitting on the bench. Leave the rest to God.”

It sounds so simple. But I really needed to learn that lesson because it gave me hope while evangelizing and serving. It wasn’t the reaction of the people that determined how much hope I had but it just started and ended with God. When you evangelize, you never know who is going to be open. You just have faith that God has the power to save and in that faith, you talk to people and let God do the rest. Praise God for such a truth.

Until the next entry,

sarahrie 

What is the value of one’s soul? I feel like that question is so important but because I’m so busy with my own life I forget to ask myself that question. Or rather, it never occurred to me that it was a question worth asking. Although, I don’t really have the FINAL, RIGHT answer, the Lord has been revealing to me facets of it.  This is what I have now. The value of one’s soul is undefinable but it was worth it to God to send His only Son to die on the Cross for.

I learned this when I went to Furukawa this past week to visit my 80-year old Japanese grandmother. She is a nonbeliever. This was the third time in my life, that I recall, that I saw my grandma. I didn’t have the greatest image of her because I didn’t really know her and also because the last time I saw her she tore my mother’s face out of our family picture. 

So, why did I go to see her anyway?

For some weird reason, I always felt like I had an advantage in my relationship with my grandma. In Japanese culture, it’s hard for children to instruct their parents. So, I could only imagine how hard it would be for my dad to talk to my grandma about Jesus. But for my sister and me, it was different because we are her grandchildren. Sounds weird, right? But it was just different. So, the last time I came to Japan, I wrote my grandma a postcard telling her that I loved her, that I wanted to see her and that I hoped that the Lord would bless her. When I came back from my mission trip to Japan, my dad told me that my grandma said that that postcard was her most treasured possession and that she looked at it day and night. That was my final affirmation that I needed to return to Japan—for the people and for my grandma.

Sitting on the train for four hours to Furukawa, I had a lot of mixed emotions. I was scared and anxious because I couldn’t speak Japanese and I barely knew this person. What if she didn’t like me? But I knew it was the Lord’s will for me to go so I silenced the doubt and the fears with prayer. The next five days changed my life. Seeing my grandma’s frailty and independence broke my heart. Here is this eighty-year old woman who lives by herself and for herself. I kept thinking, “If only she had Jesus…” If she did, she wouldn’t be so alone. She would have so much joy—eternal joy.  Once again I was reminded that faith is such a gift of grace. To believe is a miracle and it’s a work of God.

Also, I had nothing to be afraid of. She showed me so much love. It was so heartbreaking that I couldn’t do much for her.  But that’s when I knew I was being sinful. I can’t save her. Only Jesus can. And prayer…who am I to think that prayer isn’t powerful and that it’s weak? I’m so glad that by the blood of Jesus our prayers can be heard and answered by God.

Leaving my grandma was so hard. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see her again. But I do want to send her a postcard every two weeks with a Bible verse. There’s not much more I can do by my own power and strength. I thank the Lord that He is a God who saves and that He is good. So, now I’m going to pray for her soul and leave it in the hands of our Mighty God.

Lastly, I came to Japan with the mentality that the people were the only ones that really needed to be prayed for. How arrogant is that? My heart, as well, needed to be softened to see the value of a person’s soul.

Thank you, Jesus, for never ceasing to intercede on behalf of my heart.

Forget-Me-Not

Today I gave my testimony at our wednesday night prayer meeting. I cannot explain how strange it felt to talk about my life before I really became Christian. It pained me to write my testimony but as I shared it, I felt so healed. 

There were a lot of things in my past that I regret. I’ve said a lot of things and I’ve done a lot of things that are not characteristic of me now. However, I truly believe that I would not be the person I am today without those mistakes. I really praise God that He is such a great artist. How He took broken pottery and reconstructed it to be a vessel for Him to use amazes me. I’m absolutely stunned by the saving grace of God. 

Lately, I ‘ve been giving in to my unbelief. I’ve been so discouraged by one campus that I hardly have any hope when I go there. That’s why I think my testimony tonight was so timely. I was reminded of how transforming God’s love is and how much hope there in Jesus Christ.  I do believe that He is the Lord of this nation and that His will will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. 

As for the flowers above, they’re called “Forget-Me-Not”s. There’s probably some romantic meaning behind the name so, I will not do the flower any injustice by not providing romance in my explanation for its use.I have learned that it is essential that I should not forget the Lord. How can I forget Him? His romance is the most sustaining, life-giving, love that not only saves but heals and transforms as well. I really hope and pray that as I serve in Japan, I will not forget the Lord. 

Romans 8:35-39 

³⁵Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶As it is written,

   ”For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
   we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

 ³⁷No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Dancing

My first three weeks of Japan have been amazing. I’ve met some wonderful people here. And it really feels like home. Praise God.

Campus outreach has been tough but a huge blessing as well. And I truly believe that the blessing outweighs the hardship. God has answered so many of my prayers. He really is moving in Japan. I have a person of peace (someone to minister to) at Kangaku University and I am currently working on finding one at Handai University. I believe He will bless the Harvest. This Wednesday, I went to Handai and I asked the Lord to bring one girl to our E&T ( Eat and Talk) club. I just wanted one person of peace. After I prayed that prayer, five seconds later, a girl made eye contact with me. I said, “Hello!” And she walked over to our table, motioning to sit down. I was so amazed God placed her right into our laps so quickly. Anyways, she brought two of her girlfriends to lunch…I was floored. I asked God for one girl and He brought three. Friends, please join me in prayer for their hearts! 

But back to the theme of this update: DANCING. Lately, I’ve been in somewhat of a culture shock because times of prayer at J-House are really loud. The music is blasted, people are shouting, and it’s dark. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a huge blessing to cry out to God but it’s been really hard because it’s difficult to concentrate on my own prayer when so many others are praying out loud too. In other words, I’ve been craving silence. But my sinful heart never wanted to act out on its desires because that would require more effort on my part. Bluntly put, I’ve been lazy.  I had been settling for a romance-less relationship with the Lord. 

So last night, after “special praise and prayer” night at J-House, I went up to the roof of the church. My ears and throat were exhausted from all of the shouting, including mine. I decided to rest by listening to my current favorite song. It’s called “Absolutely” by Starfield. Here are the lyrics:

Absolutely

Lover of my soul

I want to tell You

Only You have all of me

I cannot contain my adoration

I’m in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as You are

There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely

Every breath that I breathe

I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever

All of me surrenders

I am absolutely in love with You

Down upon my knees

I’m lost in worship

Humbled by Your majesty

What is there to say?

But How I love You

Thank you for forgiving me

No one is as lovely as You are

There is no one else who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely

Every breath that I breathe

I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever

All of me surrenders

I am absolutely in love with You

All am I is Yours

Only Yours…

So as I started to lose myself in the lyrics, I found myself dancing. There were no words that left my mouth, nor were there any thoughts filling up my brain. It was just silence. I probably looked insane, swaying side to side in silence but to me, it was absolutely true worship from the heart. After all, I was dancing with the Lord.  I look forward to losing myself more and more in worship. 

“You have said, ‘Seek my face.’ My heart says to you, ‘Your face, Lord, do I seek.’”

- Psalm 27:8